meowlimit | Entries tagged with journal

long time no see. things have gotten worse, a lot worse, and then they got a little better, and currently i feel worse again. i don't know if i wanna rant about personal business TOO much on here, so i'll try my best to be positive anyway. i have a bedframe now! i can sleep without feeling like ass! my room is starting to look like an actual home and it's made sleeping a whole lot more comfortable and restful. i got some post-christmas gifts for my friends but I don't think i'll be able to actually give them until school starts again ... sigh. i at least got stuff for my family out on time, so that makes me happy.
...i can't help but still feel horrible. i hate that i feel this way. it feels selfish to feel anything at all.
school has me hanging by a thread. i'm still stressing about it, even on break. even when i finish projects, i still feel unsatisfied. i try and give my all to my friends who are struggling, but it feels useless when i can't even help myself. i try and i try and i try and i don't know what i'm doing but i have to look like i do

Current Mood: stressed
Current Music: shinsei kamattechan - nakama wo sagashitai

i'm starting to think that that genetic insomnia is starting to kick in (T_T ) i haven't slept normally this whole month. it feels like i can barely breathe at night, even though i know i can. and when i get close to falling asleep it feels like i'm going to pass away. it's really, really scary. ...and that's how i ended up watching noah play the walking dead at 3 AM. the one good thing about this is that i know at least one other family member will be awake most of the time .... we take the small stuff i suppose (^_^")

during study hall i walked around with gerard and terminator guy while he was filming interviews .

writing this part at almost 3:30 am . i watched noah play the walking dead again. my breathing is still shit. i started crying from a lack of sleep. it hurts so bad. i'm so fucking tired. i cant remember the last time i slept properly.

Current Mood: exhausted
Current Music: shinsei kamattechan - yuugure memorizer

i managed to draw stuff traditionally and now hate it for the first time in weeks woo yeah let's fuckin go babey. i'm just sitting here in my bedroom contemplating just how terrible of an idea it is to pull an all nighter. dear lord i do not wanna go to school tomorrow... and yet here we are. not even halfway through the week yet.

I made the decision to completely restart my run of puyo puyo tetris 2.... i was only on chapter 3 so it wasn't the worst but it's still annoying. the reason that i had to restart was even more stupid, but i'm not gonna get into that becauseee think positive yeeeaaahhh!!! we're only gonna be talking about cool Positive things that make us Happy on this blog sorry emos. (i am a liar.) so on the bright side I think that ess is starting to grow on me... i wasn't sure how to feel about her at first but after knowing all the lore i am sobbing crying at my desk .... god damn it the scene where amitie doesn't understand why ess thinks a robot is her dad .... it makes me so sad i think she deserves happiness just a crumb (in the form of tragic doomed yuri)

also i keep thinking about (and hear me out) mtf squares. i don't know why but i just think that would go so incredibly hard... it'd be interesting to explore gender through squares's incredibly specific and Not very normal circumstances. their sister is quite literally God. dudeee imagine that inner conflict because squares wants everything to be neat and perfect but gender is an incredibly complicated thing that can't really be put into neat boxes... ohohooho i may be evil because of this but listen if i must suffer then my favorite characters must suffer as well. squares is definitely a top contender for my personal traumabitch character olympics

speaking of gender, here's a couple interesting things ... according to von karma, i pass as a cis dude well enough that she straight up forgot that i'm ftm for a moment. and so when i joked about her giving me free top surgery she was like "yeah lemme get the implants". she thought i was talking about getting mtf top surgery ... (^_^")
second thing is that i was talking to terminator guy and somehow he-man was brought up. now i've never watched it but i said that i probably would because it sounds sick. and according to terminator guy i'm "the only trans guy he knows that wants to be manly" because of this. odd compliment, but i'll take it...

Current Mood: nerdy
Current Music: nashimoto-p - sanji no honey

well... it's certainly been the least eventful week of my life up until 2 days ago. i keep verging on falling asleep during class, and not getting any work done.... i'm so tired all the time, and unmotivated to work on even projects i WANT to work on. i only have the capacity to do embarrassing things which i am too ashamed to write, even here, where nobody knows me. i'm tired right now but i'll make an attempt to recap to events of 2 days ago, for future reference.

basically, the homecoming dance happened. i spent a good 1/3 of my time there just chilling in the corner and being unable to hear my friends. i'm lucky i didn't have a complete meltdown from the sensory overload. BUT i did get to wear a wizard hat so it was worth it. i also went with gerard and terminator guy to go commit crimes before the dance, which was fun. i wish i could just hang out with my friends like that, but it's difficult when i can't drive yet. there was, of course, petty drama going on, but i do not want or need to spew all of that onto the internet. it's not even my business to share anyhow. i think it's gonna be fine at school later, just... awkward. at least i know what's going on now.

on a lighter note, i accidentally converted klug nut to being a hardcore lemres fan after simply uttering the phrase "lemschez yuri". ah, the power of words. and homosexuality. also gerard is gonna let me borrow her DS so i can finally play puyo pop fever im so excited AAAH !!! even though the voice acting in that game is shit it still means portable puyo heheheheee.... in return i'm lending her the two volumes of yotsuba that i have. the sacred tomes, if you will.

p.s. schezo would fucking love yotsuba

Current Mood: drained
Current Music: vib ribbon ost - overflowing emotions

hello everynyan i have not gotten a normal full nights rest in 3 days and hopefully that chain will be broken tonight . i am comfy cozy in my bed and ready for slumber but i wanted to write this first. on sunday night, i pulled a random all nighter because i had to finish the slides of a presentation. on monday, i got home from school and immediately crashed, and woke up at 11pm. luckily i was able to fall asleep again, but i still felt like absolute dogshit on tuesday. i went nonverbal partially from overstimulation and partially because i was dissociating and my voice sounded like it wasn't mine. im alright today, even though i had an asthma attack last night i managed to get through the day. that's all i can really ask of myself at the moment, lest i fucking collapse on the pavement outside my school

today i broke out my chromebook and drew a peen in ibispaintx for shits and giggles . yaoifan08 then walked up the stairs, looked at my screen, and got fucking jumpscared (^_^") she then proceeded to compliment my schlong drawing capabilities. thank you yaoifan08

y'know, you would think a class titled "2d animation" would be primarily about learning at least the basics of animation. NOPE it's mostly about story world-building and comic strips. i guess im not totally opposed to that because i like working on my original stuff but i still feel like i got freaking kyubey scammed. as in if i asked my guidance counselor why he didn't specify what the class is actually about the response would probably be "well you didn't ask...."

i don't wanna complain too much, all things considered. right now, i'm feelin' pretty okay. things will get better. even if carrying on with my day-to-day life hurts sometimes. even if im stressed out like nobody's business

Current Mood: determined
Current Music: of montreal - i was a landscape in your dream

today i listened to lost one's weeping 6 times in a row and cried until i felt sick. woo yeah baby one month into the school year and we're already at this point !!! i have a presentation due tomorrow and as you can see it's 1 in the morning as i write this. ahahaha i'm so fucked ^_^ i want to skip tomorrow so badly. it's a monday so like would i really be missing anything... nonono i can't do that i can't miss another day of school during the first quarter. it's also picture day and i really do not wanna deal with that... maybe i can hide in the bathroom or something.
on the bright side i got to use a telescope with my dad and brother a couple hours ago. i got major eyestrain now but it's a really nice night outside. i love the fact that my dad is a major space nerd. every time he pulls me outside to go look at the stars its just llike holy shit i think i needed this. i think he needs it too.
maybe we can keep going on like this. maybe, for a little longer. as long as we have to.

Current Mood: stressed
Current Music: shinsei kamattechan - is hana-chan a squirrel?

hello, i'm currently on the bus on the way to school as i write this, despite the fact there is a flood watch until 6am tomorrow. happy friday ... (-_- ) i don't have an umbrella either, so if it's still raining by the time i'm back then aha. welp. holyy shit it's really pouring out there . it makes me wonder if the power will go out at school ... ahh, would that be a good thing or no?

last night, i woke up at 1:40 AM, and then 6:00 AM, and then it was 6:45 AM all of a sudden. i try to shake the homosexual thoughts about schezo wegey away so i can go be a normal functioning member of society.

my gullibility is going to get me killed one day

i feel so spacey today, more than usual. maybe it's the rain?
i was reading my book (that i was supposed to read during the summer...) in learning center but immediately had to put the book down it was getting a little too sexual to read in public . ah well (^_^") it's a pretty interesting book though. can be just a tad bit pretentious but it also makes me want to romanticize everything and go meet people and actually live. i think i'll finally lend it to my friend once i finish reading it... within the next 3 days because a presentation on this is due on the 2nd. ahahahahaahana FRICK
i feel like i need to go sit on the fourth floor and just be alone and think . everything in this school is too loud. the rain is making the air in here nice, though. or maybe it's the air conditioning i actually can't tell

it is now 12 am as i write this . we did not, in fact, get a power outage, nor did we get to go home early. however i did get an inch of water inside my shoes after walking through an unavoidable puddle (-_-)
a couple more notable things happened today. terminator guy asked me what my favorite song was. i played the first 10 seconds of kagamine len no bousou and he told me i need to lay off the fun dip. he's not wrong. i gave myself motion sickness playing snake out of incredible boredom during last period [nothing to do for an entire fucking hour.]
happy belated birthday to klug from puyo puyo . klug nuts rejoice

Current Mood: hyper
Current Music: of montreal- suffer for fashion

i feel much more accomplished today i think . i finally got to play puyo tetris 2 again after not being able to play for a week! it was very fun though i'm making verrrryyyyy slow progress at the game (-_-) i got up to the first ecolo encounter before my dad started blasting music and i completely lost my focus .... ah well i'm just happy i got to play. i honestly forgot ecolo got himself corrupted on purpose so i lost it at that scene he's so goofy silly !!! is that spoilers ... ? i don't think anybody cares about puyo spoilers. nobody is readin' this anyway =w=
i also made an attempt to update my computer, which is currently using ... windows 7 ...... it was not successful but bless my dad for his patience i could not have spent that long trying by myself. also when i came back i had fucking 319 discord notifications because i got added to a group chat full of gay people (myself included) trying to help a straight guy with Women . nowthis is not a concept i could be of much help with obviously but i offered to cast wizard spells on people for them
misc notes on my day: i watched two of my friends slap each other with school lunch sandwich bread while eating one of said friend's peanuts out of a parmesan container. i heard a scream from the hallway during art class and apparently someone got punched in the face. at the time me and my classmates just assumed it was just someone laughing really loudly

Current Mood: okay
Current Music: twewy soundtrack - transformation

woah ... i truly chose the most interesting time in my life to start this journal. interesting as in holy mackerel this day was boring. outside of facing the unspecified (for both your and my sake) horrors of having a physical form this morning, i was pretty much just watching the minutes tick by all day. even during the one hour where i get to see my friends i was pretty much fallin' asleep, though that's not their fault. also i'm just kinda shocked with how we literally did nothing in my classes.
i finally managed to draw something but aha ... it's not really shareable for ..... silly reasons. ^_^ oh well, it's something. but aside from that boring stuff, i've been finding really cool new music !! of montreal rocks and i'm not sure how i didn't look into more of their stuff sooner. it's a little goofy to me that their most explicit songs always end up getting stuck in my head the most. woops. there's also the song listed under the mood thingy ... maybe i have elevator music taste but who cares it's fun !!! it makes me think of hula hoops, i dunno why.

Current Mood: bored
Current Music: hi-posi - you are my music

hello world! i got very bored and decided to make an account here. i don't quite understand how this site works yet, but i'm excited to be trying it out.
i guess i'm feeling a bit stuck lately. i think i've hit an art block, because everything i've drawn in the past week has looked so ... not great. or at least, i'm not happy with it. i'm taking an art class that requires character design, and i haven't been able to produce anything i would want to use. i also just keep seeing really cool art from others, or just images that inspire me in general, but when i try to take advantage of that inspiration, it falls flat anyway.
maybe i just need to get out of the house? i don't have a car at the moment, so going outside for anything other than school is difficult ... but do i even wanna be outside in public...? no, no!!! i can't become a hikikomori!!! GRAAAHHHHH what am i supposed to do here?!?!? there's so much to do and not enough time and not enough resources and -- (-_-)
ANYWAYS !!!! i think wizards are very cool . i think i'd like to be a wizard

Current Mood: frustrated
Current Music: kikuo - blue pyramid

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micah's web journal ^_^

Entries tagged with journal

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#10 where IS my mind tho lol... like where'd that fella go

#9 this is bad

#8 squares brainrot

#7 hooligan antics

#6 fuck it we ball 4eva

#5 you're so small, you must be a squirrel

#4 happy birthklug

#3 i understand technology! (i am a liar)

#2 ohh boy its Happening again

#1 hello world

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December 2023

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